Summary: New research shows that people often feel worse when telling others about their good deeds than when keeping them private or discussing personal achievements. Across five studies, participants predicted more shame and embarrassment when sharing altruistic acts, partly because they feared appearing motivated by social credit.
This “do-gooder dilemma” intensifies on social media, where reputational concerns loom larger. Interestingly, participants believed other people would feel far less negative about sharing similar good deeds, highlighting a mismatch between our own emotional expectations and how we imagine others feel.
Key Facts
- Emotional Cost: People anticipate embarrassment and shame when sharing their own good deeds, especially online.
- Reputational Fear: Sharing altruism feels risky because people worry it will look self-serving.
- Empathy Gap: Participants think others would feel better than they would when sharing similar acts.
Source: Cornell University
Jerry Richardson, a doctoral candidate in psychology, was dashing into a grocery store on his way to a dinner party when a man outside the store asked him for some food. Richardson obliged, and gave him $7 of groceries. The recipient was so grateful, and Richardson felt so good about his gift, he thought he’d tell his dinner partners about the experience.
But an icky feeling soon took over. Richardson decided not to tell his friends. And then he refrained from posting about his good deed on social media.
The experience prompted Richardson and his colleagues to investigate how people perceive the emotional cost of reporting one’s own good deeds – and how they think others will feel if they do too.
Richardson is the lead author of the paper, “The Do-gooder Dilemma,” published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology’s November issue.
His co-authors are Paul Bloom of the University of Toronto; and Shaun Nichols, Distinguished Professor of Arts and Sciences in Philosophy, and David Pizarro, professor of psychology, both in the College of Arts and Sciences.
Across five studies, the researchers demonstrated that people believe that they would feel worse telling others about their good deeds, such as giving to those in need, than if they kept the news to themselves, or told others about their personal achievements, like getting a job promotion.
“It was a bit of a surprise, to know that people actually are pretty intuitive about themselves – that they think they will feel bad afterward,” Pizarro said.
In the studies, the researchers asked several hundred people to recall a good deed and a personal achievement they’d performed in the past, and how happy, proud, ashamed and embarrassed they feel about both of those acts.
Then the study participants were asked to imagine how they’d feel if they told a friend about these acts, and how they’d feel if they posted about them on social media.
The participants said they’d feel more ashamed and embarrassed telling friends about their good deed and posting about it on social media. But they’d feel more proud and happy about sharing a personal achievement.
“Our suspicion is that people are just aware of the fact that, if they talk about these good deeds that they’ve committed, people might think that they were motivated by the social credit, the reputational boost, that they would get,” Richardson said.
This explanation is consistent with the more extreme emotional penalty predicted when posting a good deed on social media compared to telling a friend, the team wrote in the paper.
“This could result in a dose of embarrassment and/or shame that washes away the warm glow of the altruistic act because actors are aware of the reputational cost that may ensue,” they wrote.
The researchers also found a surprising outcome: The study participants believed that while they would feel bad when sharing their good deeds, others would feel a lot better than the study participants would.
That could be because it’s hard to really imagine other people’s experiences, Richardson said.
“We think that’s because we just don’t have access to the inner states of others in that way,” he said. “Our simulations of their minds tend to be a bit shallower than our own.”
An additional takeaway from the work is that sharing stories of one’s own good deeds may be an unwise way to show others our moral character, Richardson said, and telling everyone about our good deeds might make us feel worse.
“Oscar Wilde might be right. He said the nicest feeling in the world is to do a good deed anonymously – and have somebody find out.”
Editorial Notes:
– This article was written by a Neuroscience News editor.
– Journal paper reviewed in full.
– Additional context added by our staff.
Key Questions Answered:
A: They believe others would feel better than they would, revealing a gap in how we simulate others’ emotions.
A: No — people predict they’ll feel proud and happy sharing personal accomplishments, but ashamed sharing good deeds.
A: They believe others would feel better than they would, revealing a gap in how we simulate others’ emotions.
About this psychology research news
Author: Ellen Leventry
Source: Cornell University
Contact: Ellen Leventry – Cornell University
Image: The image is credited to Neuroscience News
Original Research: Open access.
“The do-gooder dilemma: A self/other asymmetry in the perceived emotional costs of self-reporting good deeds” by Jerry Richardson et al. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology
Abstract
The do-gooder dilemma: A self/other asymmetry in the perceived emotional costs of self-reporting good deeds
Recent research in which individuals are encouraged to share stories of their own charitable giving on social media suggests that such sharing facilitates perceptions of prosocial norms and increases charitable donations.
However, we predicted that this sharing might also incur unforeseen emotional costs, diminishing the “warm glow” of altruism.
Across 5 preregistered experiments (N = 2840), participants reported that they would feel worse when sharing their own good deeds compared to their achievements, and substantially worse when sharing these stories on social media (compared to telling a friend or not sharing).
In contrast, participants reported that others would feel better (i.e., less shame and embarrassment, more happiness and pride) after reporting their own good deeds.
These studies suggest that individuals believe that (1) reporting their own good deeds will leave them feeling worse, and (2) others will not suffer similar negative feelings.
