Summary: Researchers analyzed data from more than 200 adult couples. They discovered that childhood trauma creates a subtle, daily “wear and tear” that severely damages an adult’s capacity to maintain a romantic partnership. Individuals with high adversity scores struggle with daily communication, affection, and conflict management, directly dragging down relationship satisfaction for themselves and, in many cases, their partners. However, the researchers emphasize that couples can intentionally insulate their bonds from the ghosts of the past by treating everyday interactions as a relational bank account.
Key Facts
- The Wear and Tear of Adversity: Participants were audited on childhood trauma experienced up to age 18, ranging from routine parental yelling and physical shoving to food insecurity and hunger. Higher trauma scores directly correlated with increased adult loneliness, depression, and chronic anxiety.
- The Relational Bank Account Analogy: Lead author Analisa Arroyo notes that investing in a relationship through small, everyday actions functions exactly like putting money into a bank account. When couples build up these reserves through tiny daily interactions, they create a emotional buffer. Without these built-up reserves, the relationship lacks the capital needed to survive sudden stress, conflict, or unexpected challenges.
- The Hidden Root of Conflict: When couples run into persistent relationship friction, they typically focus only on the immediate argument or communication breakdown. However, co-author Evin Richardson explains that these challenges often have much deeper roots in childhood trauma, meaning couples and therapists must treat the underlying biological and psychological triggers, not just the visible symptoms.
- The Maintenance Breakdown: Adults carrying unresolved childhood trauma struggle severely with the mechanical, everyday behaviors required to maintain a healthy relationship. They experience measurable difficulties in showing regular physical affection, engaging in clear communication, and safely navigating disagreements.
- The Gender Divide in Relationship Decay: The study unmasked a stark difference in how gender influences relationship quality:
- Maternal/Female Pathway: Women who experienced high childhood adversity were highly vulnerable to resulting mental health issues. These struggles lowered not only their own relationship satisfaction but actively dragged down their partner’s relationship satisfaction as well.
- Paternal/Male Pathway: Conversely, men who reported depression or anxiety linked to childhood trauma experienced an internal decay, these thoughts negatively skewed only their own view of the relationship, leaving their partner’s relationship satisfaction entirely unaffected.
- Healing Through Communication: Although childhood experiences are unchangeable history, the researchers stress that developing or improving communication skills as a couple can completely mitigate these destructive patterns. Modeling healthy micro-behaviors through couples counseling or relationship education programs allows partners to support one another, turning a healthy relationship into a powerful space for trauma recovery.
Source: University of Georgia
Traumatic events from your childhood could have a lingering impact on your adult relationships, according to new research from the University of Georgia.
Adverse childhood experiences, such as abuse, neglect, divorce or the death of parents, increase the possibility of depression and anxiety in adulthood. The present study found that those issues may negatively influence how a person behaves in romantic relationships, often leading to a less satisfactory relationship.
“Investing in a relationship with everyday actions is like putting money in a bank account,” said Analisa Arroyo, lead author of the study and a professor in the UGA Franklin College of Arts and Sciences. “Those small things we do daily build trust, connection and support over time. When we haven’t built up those reserves, it’s like not having enough money when your car breaks down. You’re stuck.
“If we’re not investing in our relationship and then we face stress, conflict or other challenges, we may not have what we need to get through that moment.”
Although the study suggests that childhood trauma can be burdensome through adulthood and bleed into relationships, developing or improving communication skills as a couple can mitigate some of these effects, the researchers said.
Negative childhood experiences can harm communication skills
The researchers analyzed responses from more than 200 adult couples through UGA’s ELEVATE program, a no-cost relationship education program hosted by University of Georgia Cooperative Extension.
Both members of each couple were asked about negative circumstances surrounding their childhoods up until age 18 and to indicate how many traumatic experiences they went through. The researchers found that individuals who reported more adverse incidents — like a parent routinely yelling or shoving them, or repeated incidents of experiencing hunger — had greater feelings of loneliness, depression and anxiety as adults.
“Childhood adversity creates a kind of wear and tear that often goes unnoticed in daily life. Over time, that chronic stress can affect not only our own well-being but the health of our relationships as well,” Arroyo said.
“It’s not only the big … heart-to-hearts that matter. It’s the really small, everyday interactions.”Analisa Arroyo, Franklin College of Arts & Sciences
Those same individuals reported difficulty engaging in things related to maintaining their relationship. They struggled in everyday communication, showing affection and managing conflict.
“When couples experience relationship problems, it’s easy to focus only on what’s happening in the moment, such as how they communicate, handle disagreements or interact with one another,” said Evin Richardson, co-author of the study and an assistant research scientist in UGA’s College of Family and Consumer Sciences. “But our research suggests that, for many people, those challenges may have deeper roots. Understanding these connections can help couples and professionals address the underlying issues, not just the symptoms, that affect relationship well-being.”
With fewer healthy relationship behaviors, relationship quality could suffer as a result, the study found. Couples that couldn’t communicate well or didn’t feel supported reported lower relationship satisfaction overall.
“It’s not only the big conversations, big conflicts or the heart-to-hearts that matter. It’s the really small, everyday interactions that get us ready for those bigger and harder moments when they arise,” Arroyo said. “Do we notice our partner when they walk in the door or speak? Do we respond, or are we ignoring them?”
Gender could influence how impactful feelings are on relationship quality
The study found women who reported more adverse experiences were more likely to have resulting mental health problems, which affected their relationships.
Women who had more difficulties were not only more likely to report lower relationship satisfaction, but their partner was as well.
Meanwhile, men who reported depression or anxiety linked to childhood trauma said these thoughts affected only their own view of the relationship, not their partner’s.
“We can’t change our childhood experiences,” Arroyo said. “But we can understand how they continue to influence us. That awareness gives couples an opportunity to support one another and build healthier relationship patterns together.”
“We can’t change our childhood experiences. But we can understand how they continue to influence us.”Analisa Arroyo
Couples can work on modeling everyday relationship behaviors through couples therapy or relationship education programs, which help improve their relationship quality overall, the researchers said.
In turn, a healthy relationship can also help each partner better cope and heal from trauma.
“Couples can absolutely strengthen their relationships by learning and practicing healthy relationship skills, especially when both partners are committed to growth,” Richardson said. “At the same time, individuals who have experienced significant trauma or chronic stress may benefit from more personalized support, such as counseling or therapy, to better understand how past experiences are influencing their current relationships and how to build healthier patterns moving forward.”
The study was published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships and includes co-authors Ted Futris, director of UGA’s Couple and Relationship Enrichment Laboratory, and alumni Rachel Brown and Abigail Gilbert.
Key Questions Answered:
A: Dr. Analisa Arroyo explains that building a healthy relationship is a lot like managing a bank account. The big conversations and intense heart-to-hearts are important, but it is the tiny, everyday interactions that actually build up your cash reserves. Simple actions, like noticing your partner when they walk through the door, listening when they speak, or offering a brief moment of affection—build a baseline of trust and connection over time. If you don’t actively make these tiny daily deposits, your relationship won’t have the emotional reserves it needs to survive when a major life crisis hits.
A: Childhood adversity creates a form of chronic, invisible wear and tear on your nervous system that follows you all the way into adulthood. If your childhood was defined by unpredictable stress, hunger, or routine yelling, your brain adapted to prioritize survival and defense, rather than open connection. As an adult, this hyper-vigilant state makes the mechanical, everyday behaviors of relationship maintenance, like showing soft affection, managing arguments calmly, and communicating clearly, feel deeply uncomfortable or intensely overwhelming.
A: The study uncovered a fascinating gender divide in how mental health struggles impact a household. When a woman carries anxiety or depression stemming from childhood trauma, it acts like a localized storm system: it degrades her own relationship satisfaction and directly lowers her partner’s satisfaction as well. However, when a man experiences the exact same trauma-induced depression or anxiety, the impact is entirely internalized. It skews and damages his own personal view of the relationship, but his partner remains completely unaware, and her relationship satisfaction is unaffected.
Editorial Notes:
- This article was edited by a Neuroscience News editor.
- Journal paper reviewed in full.
- Additional context added by our staff.
About this psychology and childhood trauma research news
Author: Savannah Peat
Source: University of Georgia
Contact: Savannah Peat – University of Georgia
Image: The image is credited to Neuroscience News
Original Research: Open access.
“Adverse Childhood Experiences, Psychosocial Problems, and Relationship Quality in Romantic Couples: Relationship Maintenance Skills as an Interpersonal Resource” by Analisa Arroyo et al. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships
DOI:10.1177/02654075261445143
Abstract
Adverse Childhood Experiences, Psychosocial Problems, and Relationship Quality in Romantic Couples: Relationship Maintenance Skills as an Interpersonal Resource
Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) have long-term negative effects, including on relationship outcomes, well into adulthood. In line with the Couple Adaptation to Traumatic Stress Model and the theory of resilience and relational load, routine relationship maintenance skills were identified as an interpersonal resource mediating the association between psychosocial problems and couple relationship quality.
Data from 212 opposite sex romantic couples revealed that ACEs were indirectly associated with relationship quality. At the intrapersonal level, both partners’ ACE scores were associated with their own psychosocial problems, which in turn were associated with lower relationship maintenance skills and poorer relationship quality. At the interpersonal level, only women’s ACE scores were associated with their partners’ relationship quality through women’s increased psychosocial problems and reduced relationship maintenance skills.
This study highlights the theoretical and practical benefits of incorporating a diverse set of perspectives in understanding the long-term implications of childhood adversity on relational communication and outcomes.
